This is a bit of a vulnerable post here folks. If you saw my Instagram earlier today you may have already seen this. I wanted to write a little more about what has been on my mind for a while.
I’ve spent a lot of my life being ashamed at my appearance. No matter what I have done in terms of eating, working out, and self care, I have always been in a larger body. I spent so many years killing it in the gym or running mixed with not properly refueling myself and going nowhere fast! Thankfully I learned to dial it down with how much I exercised and learned a lot more about fueling my body properly and listening to my body and taking rest when I needed it.
For 5 years I said I wanted to be a Body Pump fitness instructor but would look in the mirror and tell myself that I could never do that till I reached a certain size and ‘looked’ like a certain way. Thankfully over the past 2 years I had 2 amazing mentors who encouraged me to take the jump, and I am SO glad I did! I love teaching my classes each week and encouraging others along their wellness journey! It has taken me out of my comfort zone in a lot of ways, and I am blessed to have AMAZING people in my classes who have become like a little family! They have been a huge support in my teaching experience and are always happy to see me when I am teaching! I know I still have room to grow, but I think I am a pretty darn great instructor!
Through all this I still felt like I was broken inside. I was asked all the time why I was not losing weight and what was wrong with me? I have had every blood test in the book done to see what is ‘wrong’ with me with no real ‘answers’ while my body stumped many doctors. I have heard harsh words and even a few doctors who judged me simply on the number on the scale while my blood work remained perfect. I even had a doctor tell me I needed to have bariatric surgery!
The past 6 months or so I have been on another journey of healing my mind and my love towards myself. I had finally reached a point where I grew 100% tired of not loving every part of myself!
I stumbled upon some really helpful books and podcasts from amazing people who continually remind me that I am not broken! That I am enough just as I am! That I don’t need a certain diet or to look a certain way or have the scale say a certain number to love myself. I am just hitting the tip of the iceberg with my self discovery and the array of tools that speak the truth that I AM enough!
My mind has already shifted in incredible ways! I don’t think about food & exercise the same way. I don’t look at people’s weight loss photos and long for my own revealing moment! I don’t stand in front of my classes and tell them they are here to burn calories. I don’t try be be anything less than authentic with my life. I’m not on the hunt for any magic pill. I speak more positive words to myself. If I hear you speaking negatively about your body or someone else’s, I will say something. I am here to share what I am learning and hopefully encourage others to dig deep and find more love within themselves as well!
These books above have been very encouraging and empowering. I will continue to share what I glean, but I recommend you go order Body Kindness to start! Check out the podcast too!
So my new goals this month are simply
- Move daily
- Nourish & hydrate my body and soul
- Connect with those I love
- Get great sleep!
If you ever had any questions or want to chat about any of the above information or books feel free to message me!
Now go show yourself some love!
May you be filled with joy and wellness!