September goals & what is on my heart

Hello friends!
Happy Wednesday!

This is a bit of a vulnerable post here folks.  If you saw my Instagram earlier today you may have already seen this.  I wanted to write a little more about what has been on my mind for a while.

I’ve spent a lot of my life being ashamed at my appearance. No matter what I have done in terms of eating, working out, and self care, I have always been in a larger body. I spent so many years killing it in the gym or running mixed with not properly refueling myself and going nowhere fast! Thankfully I learned to dial it down with how much I exercised and learned a lot more about fueling my body properly and listening to my body and taking rest when I needed it.

For 5 years I said I wanted to be a Body Pump fitness instructor but would look in the mirror and tell myself that I could never do that till I reached a certain size and ‘looked’ like a certain way. Thankfully over the past 2 years I had 2 amazing mentors who encouraged me to take the jump, and I am SO glad I did! I love teaching my classes each week and encouraging others along their wellness journey! It has taken me out of my comfort zone in a lot of ways, and I am blessed to have AMAZING people in my classes who have become like a little family! They have been a huge support in my teaching experience and are always happy to see me when I am teaching! I know I still have room to grow, but I think I am a pretty darn great instructor!

Through all this I still felt like I was broken inside. I was asked all the time why I was not losing weight and what was wrong with me? I have had every blood test in the book done to see what is ‘wrong’ with me with no real ‘answers’ while my body stumped many doctors. I have heard harsh words and even a few doctors who judged me simply on the number on the scale while my blood work remained perfect. I even had a doctor tell me I needed to have bariatric surgery!

The past 6 months or so I have been on another journey of healing my mind and my love towards myself. I had finally reached a point where I grew 100% tired of not loving every part of myself!

I stumbled upon some really helpful books and podcasts from amazing people who continually remind me that I am not broken! That I am enough just as I am! That I don’t need a certain diet or to look a certain way or have the scale say a certain number to love myself. I am just hitting the tip of the iceberg with my self discovery and the array of tools that speak the truth that I AM enough!

My mind has already shifted in incredible ways! I don’t think about food & exercise the same way. I don’t look at people’s weight loss photos and long for my own revealing moment! I don’t stand in front of my classes and tell them they are here to burn calories. I don’t try be be anything less than authentic with my life. I’m not on the hunt for any magic pill. I speak more positive words to myself. If I hear you speaking negatively about your body or someone else’s, I will say something. I am here to share what I am learning and hopefully encourage others to dig deep and find more love within themselves as well!

These books above have been very encouraging and empowering. I will continue to share what I glean, but I recommend you go order Body Kindness to start! Check out the podcast too!

So my new goals this month are simply

  • Move daily
  • Nourish & hydrate my body and soul
  • Connect with those I love
  • Get great sleep!


If you ever had any questions or want to chat about any of the above information or books feel free to message me!

Now go show yourself some love!

I am linking up with Wendy and Holly for their weekly wrap and  AnnMarie and Nicole for Wild Workout Wednesday!

May you be filled with joy and wellness!


11 thoughts on “September goals & what is on my heart

  1. kookyrunner

    Thank you for sharing you honest feelings! I really believe that we all need to be kinder to ourselves. Self care and positive self talk is so important! I’m glad that you found those books helpful – I will have to check them out.

  2. debolton

    Esther you being real “out loud” is helping someone who may feel like you. Thank you for showing that fitness isn’t a size it’s a way of life and taking care and LOVING your body. I am glad that you are surrounding yourself with positive influences and seeing yourself as others do-Beautiful! I love teaching group class and they do become your extended family!

  3. Farrah

    Esther, you’re such an awesome person! ❤ Self-love and self-care can be so difficult, but I'm super glad you found so many positive resources + went for it and that you're teaching fitness classes! I took a couple Body Pump classes at my gym and they can definitely kick my butt!

  4. Annmarie (@FitFoodieMama)

    I love this and I love you for sharing it! You’re an AMAZING person – I wish I lived closer to you so we could hang and I could take your classes ❤ Keep on killin' it with the positive attitude and if you ever need to chat, you have my number!

  5. runswithpugs

    ❤ ❤ ❤ You most certainly are enough. You are kicking butt and taking names, and I love that you are choosing to show love to yourself rather than criticizing yourself. Keep up the awesome work!

  6. Wendy

    I’m so glad to see that you are sharing this! Know that you are not only helping yourself to feel better but also you’re helping others who aren’t feeling so great either. That’s the best thing about our community! ❤

  7. Pingback: Pumpkin Oat Protein Bars {gluten free} | chocolate runner girl

  8. HoHo Runs

    Fit, strong, healthy, successful, happy, content…they aren’t defined by a number or a size. Kudos to you for following your dream and doing what you love. I’d love to take one of your classes! Thanks for linking with us!


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